Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Values anyone?

So I decided to write a second post since I haven’t in a while. First off, if you’re a huge grammar freak and your critiquing is distracting your interest in my journals then you should probably go ahead click the little red ‘X’ at the top right corner of your screen. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy. Don’t worry, it’s not that bad. ( I hope.)

Almost everyday I encounter hateful actions and spiteful words by human beings everyday. It’s everywhere! It’s in our homes, our place of work, schools, tv shows and internet. The intent of these actions obviously comes from indecency and the lack of morals. Not too long ago on the news I saw that there was 9 ( I think, I know it was a high number) teenage suicides due from bullying in a 2 month span. How horrible is that? It is our responsibility to instill integrity and morals into our children. Obviously that just isn’t being done. We are failing people!!!! We are not teaching our children love and respect for others. It is imperative for our nation and future generations survival. Eventually our existence will crumble due to the greed, bitterness, envy and hate that is consuming our world. And that’s just the thing. We focus too much on worldly possessions and self images. I’m not claiming to be a saint and there is no doubt that I have my flaws and I haven’t always treated others the way they deserve. But, as I’ve grown a little older I have learned negative actions only result with negative consequences. I also believe that if you’re an ugly person then you should probably block out a small spot in your busy schedule for a bad karma event. With all honestly, I can say that I do not have hate in my heart and I try not direct any kind of bitterness towards others. I admit that I am a grudge holder and am working hard to let that trait go. If I am ugly towards someone there is a damn good reason but I know that isn’t even a acceptable excuse. In the bible is says to turn the other cheek and Lord knows it’s hard. I try my best to keep a smile on my face and be nice to people, even strangers. Now, I’m trying really hard not to be a hypocrite because that’s another thing I can’t stand. I’m not talking about the harmless “once a month snaps” or the “woke up on the wrong side of the bed crabby mood.” I mean the kind of person intentionally tries to demean and hurt another person everyday like it’s a small task on their daily agenda. The kind that just has ill will towards a certain person they consider an enemy or is just down right hateful to everyone, everyday. I have learned that these kinds of characteristic traits one portrays is a sign of ’self loathing.’ I feel like a person of good mental health should wake up each morning and worry about their own dang life and say a little prayer thanking God for not opening up the judgment gates for them just yet. Bottom line: We need to start showing compassion and love towards one another. It’s so important that we let go of hate and learn to cordial even if you don’t see eye to eye.

Friday, November 12, 2010

The Beginning of us.

Well to start this blog I just want to share with you all how our little family came about.  I promise every blog will not be this long!
I met my husband Brandon in late winter of 2004. I just finished up the first semester of my senior year and had decided to graduate early. While taking a short break before enrolling in college, I applied at Ruby Tuesday to wait tables to save up some cash. I remember walking towards the restaurant being almost blown away because it was so windy that day. I walked inside and asked for an application. The hostess sat me down at a booth in a secluded area of the restaurant so I could fill out the application in peace.
  As I was filling out all my information, I noticed in my peripheral vision a tall guy coming towards me. It was an obvious employee. He came up to my table with a notepad out. Without saying anything he began looking at my application. I was thinking " Okay, is this guy a manager or what?" I noticed he began jotting something down on his notepad. With a confident head nod and a 'wink'   he said " Thanks, I got it." A little confused I asked him what he was talking about. With a crooked little smile he said "Your number." I felt my face turn beat red! He then walked away. The nerve of this overly assertive ( yet handsome) prick! Needless to say, he was not a manager of any kind, he was just a server. That tall, handsome, blue-eyed "prick" was my future husband. :) To shorten this part of the story a bit, I was hired and we started dating later on in the new year. While dating we had a mutual agreement  that this was only "dating." Both of us had just gotten out of rocky, childish high school relationships and were not looking into starting another one. This didn't last long.  We both fell in love pretty quickly and fell hard. I knew that I was going to marry him one day.  In early spring of 06' we were pretty serious about moving in together so we did!  He worked for a heavy equipment dealership, similar to what he does now and I enrolled in school and earned my license to become an RDA. As the days grew shorter and the nights turned colder, it was Christmas before we knew it.  I had been pleasantly nagging  Brandon about going to look at Christmas lights. He finally caved!  On December 15th, which was Friday, he decided to take me out. We had a nice Italian  dinner at Carino’s.  Afterwards we headed to Burns Park to look at the light displays before going into neighborhoods.  The scenery was beautiful!  We slowly made our way through the lights.  At the end of the light display he stopped the truck and put it in park. He pulled out a ring and purposed! The rest of that night was spent calling friends and family and showing off my pretty ring.  I was on cloud 9 and cannot really explain the happiness that filled my heart. I loved him so much!  The next few months was nothing but planning. I bought a BEAUTIFUL wedding  dress. It was a strapless, A-line, ivory dress . I had it altered to make it 100% original. It was absolutely gorgeous. We made a deposit at the Albert Pike hotel. My colors where plum, ivory and pear. The date was set for October 6th 2007, 8:00 pm.  Every night while laying in bed I would envision my wedding night. The center chandelier was going to be the main source of light and the rest nothing but candles.  Me and Brandon were going to be reciting our vows in front of the huge vintage windows. My fairytale wedding was coming soon!! Spring came quickly.  It was march 13th, 2007. I walked into work as usual. Prepared for  melodramatic adults complaining of their  “TMJ” and kids that were still wearing last nights broccoli in their braces.  I  clocked in, and walked to the back when a co-worker said “What’s wrong with you today?” Puzzled, I replied back “ Nothing yet, I just got here. Why?” she continued   “ You’re pregnant!” For the  next 4.5 hours of that day I argued with her that I was NOT pregnant. So at lunch she gave me a pregnancy test and I took it to prove her wrong….Okay, wait? Two lines mean pregnant, right? Well, that must be wrong because  I’M NOT PREGNANT! On my way home from work I  was running the lines through my head. How was I going to tell Brandon? When I got there, I took him to the bedroom and sat him down.  With a big smile on my face ( I smile when nervous) I showed him the pregnancy test. He thought for sure that I was joking. Matter of fact he accused me of bringing home someone else’s test.  I finally  convinced him it was really mine and this was no joke. He took  it a lot better than I thought he would, he laid on the floor for only two hours. J
After all, we had just gotten engaged and we were planning a huge wedding.  Three positive pregnancy tests later we realized and accepted God’s plan for us. I was very excited and wasn’t upset at all…till I thought about MY WEDDING DRESS!!! That’s when it hit me hard. Sad but true. It wasn’t the fact that my wedding was going have to be rearranged or we were going to be forced to grow up sooner than expected. It wasn’t that my entire life was about to change and my whole world would no longer revolve around me. Nope, I was devastated  that I wasn’t going to be able to fit into my stunning wedding dress.  **sigh** After praying (a lot) I was okay with the fact that I might not ever wear my dress.  As the weeks passed by, I got bigger and bigger. At my 18th week prenatal appointment we found out we were having a little girl. She was due November 10th  2007.We were ecstatic!!  Addison- Addison Lynn Ball. That was her name from the start. I have loved that name ever since I was really young. We bought a house in a quiet neighborhood here in Benton and we settled in. I was still contemplating on what I was going to do about  our wedding since it was a month before Addison would arrive. Family and friends suggested that we just post pone the wedding till after the baby so I could carry out my dreams. So I prayed, prayed and prayed some more. I made up my mind. I wanted to go ahead and get married. If we were going to bring this baby into our world then I wanted us to make a commitment to each other before she was born.  Secondly, I  wanted all of us to have the same last name.J
  So, that’s what we did. July 14th, 2007 was the big day.  We recited  our vows to each other in front of God and our family. It was out on lake Norrell. It was very small, very intimate,  very quaint and totally opposite of what I had always envision. Not that bad, eh? To make things even better, the official that was administrating our vows allowed her small grandchild to attend…right next to her. So in every picture of me and Brandon on our wedding day there is a five year old in a Tinker Bell costume…. Nice…  I was very pregnant, hot and sweaty but it was one of the happiest days of my life!!! That day I could have cared less about sacrificing my big wedding, being six months pregnant,  getting married on a lake dock and having a munchkin fairy in the sidelines…It was still our day. November came soon, very soon. Addison was born November 1st at 1:59 p.m.  She weighed 6 lbs. 13oz and was 19.5 inches long.  That day my heart swelled. She was so quiet and easy. She was the second light of my life. We lived our lives and raised our baby girl the best way we knew how.  She is such a little character and she lights up a room. If her soul could give off an aura, I swear it would be bright yellow and gold. January of  this year we found out that we were pregnant with our second child. This time we both took it much harder.  We had some doubts about financially being able to care for a second child. We were just now getting caught up on our finances and I had enrolled in nursing school.  Most importantly, Addison was only  2 years old. It wasn’t time for us to have to share ourselves with another child. It was not fair to Addison! I even questioned if I could possibly love another being as much as I love Addison? Well, once again we accepted the new life that God gracefully granted us.  For this was God’s plan, not ours. When are we going to realize our life doesn’t always go as we plan and that God has his own intentions?  God has control.  Our attitude changed very quickly. We were having a BABY!! Our second daughter, Ella Grace, was born September 13th, 2010. She weighed 7 lbs. 12 oz and was 19.5 inches long. The third light of my life.  She has been a total blessing. We are SO in love with her and Addison loves being a big sister. We have grown and matured in so many ways. Brandon and I make an excellent team and we honestly believe that we are meant for each other.  So now you have it. My little life summed up for you. Now that you have a little bit of  background of me and my family, you might look forward to reading my blogs. It will not entirely involve just my family life. I will also write about things that are merely on my mind that day. I hope you enjoy.  God Bless